Coping with criticism when you have ADHD
If criticism lands hard for you, it can help to have a plan for those moments, rather than trying to simply feel less.
The first step is to notice the surge. Many people feel it physically: a hot face, a tight chest, a sudden urge to defend themselves or disappear. Naming it — even silently, “this is the rejection feeling” — creates a little space between the feeling and your response.
Next, try to separate what actually happened from the story your mind adds. “My manager said the report needs another section” is what happened. “She thinks I am useless and I am going to be sacked” is the story. Writing both down can make the difference clearer.
It also helps to delay big responses. If an email has upset you, draft a reply but do not send it for a few hours. If a conversation stings, it is fine to say, “Thanks, I would like to think about that and come back to you.”
Some people find it useful to ask for feedback in a particular way. For example, agreeing with a manager that feedback comes in writing, or alongside what is going well, can make it easier to take in. If you are applying for Access to Work, this is the kind of adjustment you might mention.
Finally, be kind to yourself afterwards. A painful reaction does not mean you have failed. Over time, with practice and support, many people find they recover more quickly, even if the first sting is still there.