Learning to notice what you did well

Many people with ADHD have a strange accounting system in their heads. Mistakes are recorded in permanent ink, underlined, and reviewed regularly. Successes are written in pencil and rubbed out by morning. A compliment is deflected, a finished project instantly dismissed as “not that hard really”. The ledger always seems to show a loss.

This is not modesty; it is a filter, and it distorts reality just as surely as arrogance would. If your mind only keeps the failures, then the story it tells you about yourself can only ever be a story of failure. The evidence for the defence is being thrown out before the trial.

Correcting the filter takes deliberate practice, because the automatic habit is strong. One simple method is a “done list”: at the end of each day, write down three things you did. Not three perfect things — three things. Answered the email. Made the call you were dreading. Cooked an actual meal. On hard days, “got through the day” legitimately counts.

It also helps to count effort, not just outcomes. You cannot always control whether something works, but you can control whether you showed up and tried. Praising your own effort — out loud, in writing, however awkward it feels at first — is not self-deception. It is finally giving the effort column the attention the mistake column has had all along.

Over weeks, the done list becomes something precious: evidence. On the days when the old voice insists you never achieve anything, you have a written record proving otherwise, in your own hand.

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