Perfectionism and the all-or-nothing trap

Perfectionism in ADHD can look puzzling from the outside. How can someone who misses deadlines also be a perfectionist? But the two often travel together. If you have been criticised all your life for careless mistakes, it makes a painful kind of sense to decide that nothing you do can be less than flawless.

The trap is that perfect is a standard you can rarely start, let alone reach. A task that must be done perfectly becomes too heavy to begin, so it waits. The waiting builds pressure, the pressure builds shame, and eventually the task is either done in an exhausted last-minute sprint or not done at all — which the perfectionist voice then uses as proof that you cannot be trusted.

All-or-nothing thinking feeds the same cycle. A routine missed once is “ruined”. A healthy week broken by one takeaway is “failed”. This way of thinking turns every small wobble into a total collapse, and makes it very hard to build the steady, imperfect habits that actually change a life.

The way out is to practise “good enough” deliberately, in low-stakes places first. Send the email with one check instead of five. Stop tidying when the room is usable rather than immaculate. Each time, notice what happens: almost always, the world continues, and nobody notices the difference you were agonising over.

Done is a genuine achievement, not a consolation prize. A finished piece of work at eighty per cent helps you far more than a perfect one that never leaves your head — and the energy you save is available for the next thing.

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